First of all, may I congratulate our service users on their success in the non-competitive inter-school sports day. I am delighted to say that we absolutely thrashed all the other schools in the non-competitive stakes. While they are busily nursing their wounds after the humiliation of defeat, itís worth remembering that Saint Street was responsible for turning the day into a non-competitive one in the first place. It was all competitive until we turned up. I should also like to offer my thanks to all fathers who turned up to the Dadsí Race, and to all the representatives of the Child Support Agency who were waiting for them at the end of it.
Secondly, I should like to give our greatest thanks to Mr Riggerton, who has taken early and sudden retirement. Many of you will know Mr Riggerton as very much a "hands on" teacher, who in his long career has seen many changes both to the teaching profession and to forensic science. I am delighted to say that Mr Riggerton leaves without a stain on his character, and the police have promised to restore the playing fields to their former condition. Many are the pupils who have been touched by him, and it is a mark of their respect and admiration that they still wonít tell me the nature of their secret games!
Finally, may I say a few words about punctuality. Many lessons have now had to be rescheduled later in order to accommodate the service users who cannot arrive on time, and as this means that the entire class has to be placed in detention our administrative costs have soared, particularly since the lateness of the lesson frequently causes it to overlap with the detention, which the service users consequently miss. As an experiment therefore, I have decided that in future French lessons will run backwards and finish an hour before they start, meaning that anyone who arrives halfway through will still be half an hour early. I hope that this will vastly improve our punctuality targets.
In the meantime I would like to reassure parents that Saint Street Comprehensive continues to offer the finest education for your children. Weíll teach them a lesson they wonít forget in a hurry.
M J Farpworth, BMc, JFshKp, Cop., Team Leader.